God and Me

I just would like to let you all know my blogs are like songs or poetry they are inspired. This blog was inspired by the Coronavirus (COVID-19). What it has been causing as for as shelter in place, us having to be quarantined, and the loss of lives.

I lost one of my high school teammates and it is believed that he died from the Coronavirus because he had similar symptoms. There are other people that I did not personally know but I learned they died from the Coronavirus, one of them happen to be the Student Minister of New York City, Student Minister Abdul Hafeez Muhammad. He was truly loved and admired by the believers in his mosque and the community.

I was falling into depression and I was getting stressed out. After learning about these deaths and seeing more people dying on my timeline on Facebook my depression grew even stronger. I could not sleep, and I cried more in my life than I recall. I began thinking about my daughters and other members of my family wondering would I see them again?

I began to think about all the things I wanted to do, the things I desired, and the things I do not have. I began to think about me being single and how I did not want to die alone. I live in Dallas, Texas and most of my family is in California and my daughters all live in different states from me.

I tried to share how I was feeling to a few people but it seemed before I could open and say how I was thinking and feeling. They began sharing their thoughts and feelings. If I did get someone to listen, I felt my words were taken out of context. So, I began to shelter myself from talking to people.

I saw, I was not sleeping and when I did finally sleep. I was sleeping 10 to 12 hours. I googled signs of depression – little interest of pleasure in doing things, feeling down, depressed, or hopeless, trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much, feeling tired or having little energy, poor appetite, overeating, or considerable weight changes, feeling bad about yourself – that you are a failure or have a lot of guilt, difficulty concentrating on a thing or making a decision, moving or speaking slowly, so that other people have noticed, or being so restless that you’ve been moving around a lot, thoughts that you be better off dead, or of hurting yourself in some way (Trintellix vortioxetine n. d.).

I thought about contacting my old therapist. But something put it on my heart to turn to the source. I know some people that are reading this blog may not believe in God, we are all entitled to our own opinions and I once was atheist but like Saul who later became Paul, I saw the light. This blog is not about religion, I am just sharing what I was experiencing in hopes to help others.

So, I turned to God, I began praying and fasting. I decided God is the only and the best person I could talk to during this time. I deactivated my Facebook page, I decided not to read articles about this epidemic, and I decided when I do talk to people. I would strive to keep our conversation positive. And if the person is negative, I would let the person know, and I will tell the person to let us strive to keep our conversation uplifting and encouraging or not talk at all.

This crisis showed me the only person I can really call on and depend on is God and Me.

I hope you all find some good out of this blog and I encourage you all if you need assistance. Sit your pride to the side and call a therapist if needed.

Reference

Trintellix vortioxetine (n. d.). Discussing your symptoms. Check. Retrieved from https://www.us.trintellix.com